10. Israel – We all love a bit of insanity – I positively thrive on it, as you can probably tell by my opinions so far. Izabo do not disappoint and this pleases me. The thing that gets me hooked is not the shrewd interplay between English and Hebrew, nor the oriental influence. For me, dear reader, it’s the bursts of strings á la A-ba-ni-bi. It takes me back to those distant 1970s. But on a more general level, I always rated the Teapacks from 2007, so this hits the spot for me. Will this qualify? I darn hope so.
11. San Marino – There’s only one thing worse than being talked about, and that’s not being talked about. Such is the world’s oldest republic and their crazy attempts to curry favour with the cybernetic masses, but even changing the title to make it more generic won’t help. Maybe I should write a song with Sven Lõhmus about ‘iwantoneofthose.com’*. It’s bound to be a smash. Will this qualify? Erm, no.
12. Cyprus – Our other songstress from the Helleno-sphere ha-ha-has a ba-ba-battle on her ha-ha-hands. Ca-ca-can she sing live? Ca-ca-can she stop the sta-sta-stammering. I’ll stop now. A doyen of another website helped select this little ditty, so the fans have had their much-maligned influence here and only have themselves to blame if it doesn’t qualify. She’s easy on the eye and is maybe better than Ms Eleftheriou’s similar song. Will this qualify? I think Greece might just have the edge.
13. Denmark – Our third Nordic song is as good as the other two, however I don’t see all three getting through to the final. But heck, Denmark has had four consecutive top 10 finishes since failed fan-fave DQ. Soluna looks quirky, which may jog the jaded televoter’s memory come voting time. If she performs it well the juries across 20 countries may like it too. Will this qualify? I think so.
14. Russia – How dare johnny-foreigner send older performers that Saint Hump. But this is lunacy personified. One of our grannies has had grief from her husband because she won’t be able to milk their animals while she’s getting pie-eyed in Baku’s Euroclub on Bacardi & coke every night. This is great and gives us our first taste of Udmurt (more please I say). And I love a song that makes me chuckle. They may not be young, but I’m sure they could show us a trick or two, even with their teeth out. Will this qualify? At an absolute canter.
15. Hungary – A nice contrast with turbo-folk, if you can call the granny’s song turbo-folk. I really like this contemporary song. It’s sung by a nicely credible group and who wouldn’t love a contest in the linguistically-baffling Magyarország. It has a decent draw too, towards the end. Will this qualify? Yes.
16. Austria – More quirkiness in the form of German-ish rap from the Tracks Hittaz (that’s right, isn’t it?). It could be said there’s going to be something for everyone here. A muscular chap of semi-Chinese extraction. A hobbit. Lovely laydeez shaking their ‘Popo’. What’s not to like? I for one like this even if the lyric and band name are a little near the knuckle. Eurovision doesn’t rest on its laurels – so we’re told – so this could be the way forward. Will this qualify? I hope so, although it may just be toooo progressive.
17. Moldova – I first was not happy when Transbalcanica didn’t get the golden ticket to Jon Ola Sand’s Cheese Factory in Baku. But then I heard this and I found it very pleasant. Maybe he needs to polish his accent so he sounds more Chiswick than Chişinau. I may even buy a trumpet to celebrate this song too. Will this qualify? I’d like it to.
18. Ireland – Finally, the most annoy thing this side of the Farthing Bridge rears its insanely coiffured heads again. I’d had my fill of these, erm, ‘characters’ five minutes after they arrived in Düss last year. Many of my fellow journos were going head over heels everytime they said ‘Oh my God’ or something as daft. And they did far better than I thought they would. Now, this year is, in my opinion, a slightly superior song. I will probably still want to kill them in Baku, but maybe they’ve matured a little. Will this qualify? Sadly yes.
* Other websites are, of course, available.
So it looks like my qualifiers after the carnage will be, in semi-final running particular order: Iceland, Greece, Latvia, Switzerland, Israel, Denmark, Russia, Hungary, Moldova, Ireland.
Part 3 will hopefully follow tomorrow.
Thursday, 22 March 2012
Views from the unaccreditable... Part one
1. Montenegro
I don't rightly know what to make of it - I should understand the concept and hate the song... oh, wait... Thats about how it is. The Montenegrins have been brave, but ultimately foolhardy?! - Qualifying?? Hell to the No.
2. Iceland
As you know if you read this often enough, wrong song won in Iceland and they have been saddled with a bad rewrite of a good vocal performance. I think for all its drama it's just the wrong side of camp enough to qualify handsomely. Europe like this sort of thing, but whether it'll get any further up a real scoreboard I'm doubtful.
3. Greece
Is it me?, or do we have to sue the Greeks for more money that they cant pay us back. An Aphrodisiac is something that makes you fall in love, yeah, not give you heartburn which this song does to me. It's generic Greece-by-numbers tosh that will appeal to its usual constituency which clearly is going to be enough to get StarTV banned *again* but if there is any justice it'll fall in the final as it's flatter than a squished hedgehog. Qualifying, sadly.
4. Latvia
You know I love this song, but I can do it justice. Beautiful Song? Not-so-much. However, it does have a tune and a beat and a very repetitive and annoying back story. Dissapointed that the lyric has been changed, but it still makes me smile and Anmary will give this one hell of a performance. Plus side, video is very good and well made, but I fear that my constant pushing of this song will not even help it score points.... sadly.... boo-hoo. I also think Sir Jagger, Mick will not be calling her ever....
5. Albania
Imagine Audrey Hepburn singing at you in Albanian.... that's what you are getting here in a nutshel to be honest. Albanian is not the most earworm friendly language you'll ever hear, but this song has a certain..........."thing" about it now its had the usual amputation from RTSH - it could just be Audrey/Rona screaming at me - but the Juries might like that sort of thing. Qualifying? - Not sure....
6. Romania
You know what this contest needs about now?... Something Uptempo.... and what do we get..... Half-arsed Uptempo. Whilst Mandinga's is a good song and it tries its best to be positive and light and almost Spanish - It just misses the mark for me. It's earnest enough to qualify easily and has all the ingredients but, unlike a cake from the Farmhouse Kitchen Microwave cookbook ( go on, look that reference up!), it hasn't been mixed to perfection, or pricked enough with a stick to rise to the occassion... More underdone souflee than prize winning Battenburg. Grace Mulligan wouldn't be happy! Qualifying? - Yes
7. Switzerland
Many many moons ago, this lot qualified from a contest that was held in Ticino in a pub with Barbara Berta in attendance. Now, I dont know about you, but if *my* country entered a song from a group singing down at the Dog and Duck public house, I would ensure that "free language" meant " Decernable English" - Again, its a Roy Walker song, "Good, but not right" - It has all the right elements, but that very bad English is glaringly bad. Qualifying? - No
8. Belgium
"Come and find me, I've been hiding from you" - No you haven't Iris, you're at the bottom of the scoreboard and we can seeeeee you or have you been playing hide and seek with the qualifying envolopes again you cheeky little scamp and forgot to put yourself in one? - I digress.... but the point is badly made. This is a light song which will come up empty. Possibly the weakest song of the 8 so far and clearly the weakest singer - adding up to the weakest link?! - Qualifying? - No
9. Finland
Ahhh the Swede-o-Finns come up next. Again, its very... um.... Finnish to be honest and, at the risk of repeating myself AGAIN (again....) it is the ingredients of a very fine cheese, all ready to be ripened with metal skewers in it but, at the last moment, some bastard came and removed the milk!! - It got something missing and I cant work out what.... probably a chorus I shouldn't wonder. Qualifying? - No.
I don't rightly know what to make of it - I should understand the concept and hate the song... oh, wait... Thats about how it is. The Montenegrins have been brave, but ultimately foolhardy?! - Qualifying?? Hell to the No.
2. Iceland
As you know if you read this often enough, wrong song won in Iceland and they have been saddled with a bad rewrite of a good vocal performance. I think for all its drama it's just the wrong side of camp enough to qualify handsomely. Europe like this sort of thing, but whether it'll get any further up a real scoreboard I'm doubtful.
3. Greece
Is it me?, or do we have to sue the Greeks for more money that they cant pay us back. An Aphrodisiac is something that makes you fall in love, yeah, not give you heartburn which this song does to me. It's generic Greece-by-numbers tosh that will appeal to its usual constituency which clearly is going to be enough to get StarTV banned *again* but if there is any justice it'll fall in the final as it's flatter than a squished hedgehog. Qualifying, sadly.
4. Latvia
You know I love this song, but I can do it justice. Beautiful Song? Not-so-much. However, it does have a tune and a beat and a very repetitive and annoying back story. Dissapointed that the lyric has been changed, but it still makes me smile and Anmary will give this one hell of a performance. Plus side, video is very good and well made, but I fear that my constant pushing of this song will not even help it score points.... sadly.... boo-hoo. I also think Sir Jagger, Mick will not be calling her ever....
5. Albania
Imagine Audrey Hepburn singing at you in Albanian.... that's what you are getting here in a nutshel to be honest. Albanian is not the most earworm friendly language you'll ever hear, but this song has a certain..........."thing" about it now its had the usual amputation from RTSH - it could just be Audrey/Rona screaming at me - but the Juries might like that sort of thing. Qualifying? - Not sure....
6. Romania
You know what this contest needs about now?... Something Uptempo.... and what do we get..... Half-arsed Uptempo. Whilst Mandinga's is a good song and it tries its best to be positive and light and almost Spanish - It just misses the mark for me. It's earnest enough to qualify easily and has all the ingredients but, unlike a cake from the Farmhouse Kitchen Microwave cookbook ( go on, look that reference up!), it hasn't been mixed to perfection, or pricked enough with a stick to rise to the occassion... More underdone souflee than prize winning Battenburg. Grace Mulligan wouldn't be happy! Qualifying? - Yes
7. Switzerland
Many many moons ago, this lot qualified from a contest that was held in Ticino in a pub with Barbara Berta in attendance. Now, I dont know about you, but if *my* country entered a song from a group singing down at the Dog and Duck public house, I would ensure that "free language" meant " Decernable English" - Again, its a Roy Walker song, "Good, but not right" - It has all the right elements, but that very bad English is glaringly bad. Qualifying? - No
8. Belgium
"Come and find me, I've been hiding from you" - No you haven't Iris, you're at the bottom of the scoreboard and we can seeeeee you or have you been playing hide and seek with the qualifying envolopes again you cheeky little scamp and forgot to put yourself in one? - I digress.... but the point is badly made. This is a light song which will come up empty. Possibly the weakest song of the 8 so far and clearly the weakest singer - adding up to the weakest link?! - Qualifying? - No
9. Finland
Ahhh the Swede-o-Finns come up next. Again, its very... um.... Finnish to be honest and, at the risk of repeating myself AGAIN (again....) it is the ingredients of a very fine cheese, all ready to be ripened with metal skewers in it but, at the last moment, some bastard came and removed the milk!! - It got something missing and I cant work out what.... probably a chorus I shouldn't wonder. Qualifying? - No.
Wednesday, 21 March 2012
View from the Kiek in de Kök - Part 1
I thought I'd share some of my thoughts on the draw, now that it has eventually taken place in Bakı. You may not share my views, but there's nothing like a bit of debate to pick apart the merits of a Latvian's song writing skills. My thoughts will be a trilogy in five parts. Two posts for each semi, and then another for the six lucky finalists. So here we go:
1. Montenegro – So the Stevan Faddy memorial slot has been taken by Rambo Amadeus. We all know that the still-shiny-and-relatively-new little Adriatic nation loves rehearsing early on a Sunday morning, so the good people at the EBU didn’t disappoint by giving them their much coveted slot. Will this qualify? The omens aren’t good.
2. Iceland – As pointed out by a fellow blogger, Jónsi and Gréta still appear to be looking for that elusive yummy gingerbread house in an opera written by Gerry Dorsey. Or something like that. It’s a darn good song from a pretty good national final, so the early draw should not damage their chances. It’s also wedged between two more upbeat songs which can help its cause. Will this qualify? Yes.
3. Greece – Aaahh, the memories of a national final in a shopping centre. You see, there is money knocking around in the Hellenic Republic. And not just at those high-end shops like DrachmaEuro-land either. Anyways, this blogger’s concern is whether Ms Eleftheriou (so good they almost named her twice) can sing live. Will this qualify? It’s one out of either this or Cyprus.
4. Latvia – I was born in the distant 197X, the year that [insert demonyn] [insert singer] won. There, this is such a versatile song. But name checking Sirs Mick Jagger and Paul McCartney might only prove useful if they’re actually watching Europe’s favourite TV show. Now a beautiful song for me would be about cake or cheese, but I’m not most of Europe, and I won’t be televoting on 22 May. So Europe may like this. Will this qualify? Probably.
5. Albania – Chosen sometime in the previous decade it seems, Albania has done its usual trick of picking a seven-minute song they then cut down, re-arrange, re-write and then scare the rest of Europe with. To be fair, Rona’s got a fine pair of lungs on her in more of a Monica Aspelund than a Dolly Parton sort of way. If we want drama, then this is your song. Will this qualify? I somehow don’t think so.
6. Romania – Some upbeat niceness next from the country that is sure to win the contest within five years. Not quite sure where that five-year period started though. But this is fun, it’s multi-lingual (written that way it seems, not one of your “let’s cobble together an English version sharpish” songs), and it works. Will this qualify? Hell yes.
7. Switzerland – A long time ago, before I got those delightful socks for Christmas from Aunty Silvi, the Swiss Confederation picked a song that beat Lys Assia – she who always expects a standing ovation. I like this, as it reminds me of my youth (I was born in distant 197X remember). But somehow I think it might just get through this bloodbath of a semi-final. Will this qualify? Depends how many children of the 1970s and early 1980s will be watching.
8. Belgium – Plucky little Belgium aim to please with a performer who went to the Dolores O’Riordan School of Warble. She’s very sweet and it’s a pleasant song. But – there’s always a but – it might not stand out enough to make it through to Saturday’s shindig at the Crystal Hall. Will this qualify? I can’t decide on this one and maybe it’ll grow on me.
9. Finland – Recently I had to remind someone who commented on how nice the Finnish language sounded, that this was in Swedish. Only the second time Finland has done this I understand. She’s similarly sweet like our Belgium’s Iris. So maybe there’s going to be an almighty catfight between these two for one berth in the final. Will this qualify? Borderline, but I think sadly not.
More soon.
1. Montenegro – So the Stevan Faddy memorial slot has been taken by Rambo Amadeus. We all know that the still-shiny-and-relatively-new little Adriatic nation loves rehearsing early on a Sunday morning, so the good people at the EBU didn’t disappoint by giving them their much coveted slot. Will this qualify? The omens aren’t good.
2. Iceland – As pointed out by a fellow blogger, Jónsi and Gréta still appear to be looking for that elusive yummy gingerbread house in an opera written by Gerry Dorsey. Or something like that. It’s a darn good song from a pretty good national final, so the early draw should not damage their chances. It’s also wedged between two more upbeat songs which can help its cause. Will this qualify? Yes.
3. Greece – Aaahh, the memories of a national final in a shopping centre. You see, there is money knocking around in the Hellenic Republic. And not just at those high-end shops like DrachmaEuro-land either. Anyways, this blogger’s concern is whether Ms Eleftheriou (so good they almost named her twice) can sing live. Will this qualify? It’s one out of either this or Cyprus.
4. Latvia – I was born in the distant 197X, the year that [insert demonyn] [insert singer] won. There, this is such a versatile song. But name checking Sirs Mick Jagger and Paul McCartney might only prove useful if they’re actually watching Europe’s favourite TV show. Now a beautiful song for me would be about cake or cheese, but I’m not most of Europe, and I won’t be televoting on 22 May. So Europe may like this. Will this qualify? Probably.
5. Albania – Chosen sometime in the previous decade it seems, Albania has done its usual trick of picking a seven-minute song they then cut down, re-arrange, re-write and then scare the rest of Europe with. To be fair, Rona’s got a fine pair of lungs on her in more of a Monica Aspelund than a Dolly Parton sort of way. If we want drama, then this is your song. Will this qualify? I somehow don’t think so.
6. Romania – Some upbeat niceness next from the country that is sure to win the contest within five years. Not quite sure where that five-year period started though. But this is fun, it’s multi-lingual (written that way it seems, not one of your “let’s cobble together an English version sharpish” songs), and it works. Will this qualify? Hell yes.
7. Switzerland – A long time ago, before I got those delightful socks for Christmas from Aunty Silvi, the Swiss Confederation picked a song that beat Lys Assia – she who always expects a standing ovation. I like this, as it reminds me of my youth (I was born in distant 197X remember). But somehow I think it might just get through this bloodbath of a semi-final. Will this qualify? Depends how many children of the 1970s and early 1980s will be watching.
8. Belgium – Plucky little Belgium aim to please with a performer who went to the Dolores O’Riordan School of Warble. She’s very sweet and it’s a pleasant song. But – there’s always a but – it might not stand out enough to make it through to Saturday’s shindig at the Crystal Hall. Will this qualify? I can’t decide on this one and maybe it’ll grow on me.
9. Finland – Recently I had to remind someone who commented on how nice the Finnish language sounded, that this was in Swedish. Only the second time Finland has done this I understand. She’s similarly sweet like our Belgium’s Iris. So maybe there’s going to be an almighty catfight between these two for one berth in the final. Will this qualify? Borderline, but I think sadly not.
More soon.
Monday, 19 March 2012
I'm sat here.... with a sore throat.... after listening to the Hump...
With a massive smile on my face - then I read some of the usual guff that so-called fans write, namely on the BBC's page, and Eurovision.tv and other well known sites and it hurts my heart. So lets dispel some of the most widely written bollocks right here and now shall we?
1. " It's an embarrassment....." - ok? - Why?! - To take an Ali G-Ism " Is it bcoz he iz old?" - So what? - Just because you are not Loreen, or Tooji doesn’t mean you can just wither and die in the corner!! - The aim of the contest is to win or at least do very well in it, it is NEVER the aim to get record sales out of it. I have not seen a single good reason to say why people are embarrassed by an artist that has sold MILLIONS of records and is still selling them today - has just completed a world tour and is completing another one immediately before the contest. He is in it for the win, not the lolz!
2 " It's not contemporary" - No, but this is the Eurovision - apparently, if you have lived in the UK for the last 30 years, nothing we ever enter is contemporary. However, Fairytale wasn't contemporary of 2009, Running Scared is hardly contemporary of 2011 so that argument goes up in a puff of smoke.
3. " We didn’t get to choose him" - Yes, that’s right - because as of late the UK public have done *so* well in that area - Lets look at the evidence here. The last 4 years the UK public got to choose the singer and the song we finished 22nd, 19th , 22nd and 23rd scoring a combined total of 76 whole points - Take the UK public out of part or all of the equation and we score 283 points. It can be argued that the BBC need to take some of the blame, but really the facts are there!!
Overall we have someone that can sing, with a simple tune that the Juries will love and the real televoters outside of the UK will have to think about before picking the phone up - I think that this could do as well as Italy did last year. If it does, i'll be so fricking happy!!
1. " It's an embarrassment....." - ok? - Why?! - To take an Ali G-Ism " Is it bcoz he iz old?" - So what? - Just because you are not Loreen, or Tooji doesn’t mean you can just wither and die in the corner!! - The aim of the contest is to win or at least do very well in it, it is NEVER the aim to get record sales out of it. I have not seen a single good reason to say why people are embarrassed by an artist that has sold MILLIONS of records and is still selling them today - has just completed a world tour and is completing another one immediately before the contest. He is in it for the win, not the lolz!
2 " It's not contemporary" - No, but this is the Eurovision - apparently, if you have lived in the UK for the last 30 years, nothing we ever enter is contemporary. However, Fairytale wasn't contemporary of 2009, Running Scared is hardly contemporary of 2011 so that argument goes up in a puff of smoke.
3. " We didn’t get to choose him" - Yes, that’s right - because as of late the UK public have done *so* well in that area - Lets look at the evidence here. The last 4 years the UK public got to choose the singer and the song we finished 22nd, 19th , 22nd and 23rd scoring a combined total of 76 whole points - Take the UK public out of part or all of the equation and we score 283 points. It can be argued that the BBC need to take some of the blame, but really the facts are there!!
Overall we have someone that can sing, with a simple tune that the Juries will love and the real televoters outside of the UK will have to think about before picking the phone up - I think that this could do as well as Italy did last year. If it does, i'll be so fricking happy!!
Sunday, 18 March 2012
Just cos I am not very well - Hump o CLock is 1100 CET Tomorrow ;)
Its really a very good song - but I have a sore throat so I cant *tell* you - you're just going to have to listen! - Also, 10am tomorrow morning is hump-o-clock ;)
Thursday, 15 March 2012
Best Tuesday night concert ever - EVER?
Liam Jarnecki of this parish has decreed that the First Semi Final is " The most extraordinary Tuesday Night concert in History" - He's not wrong you know, it's got all sorts of madness in it!!
Its shaped up rather well this year hasnt it?!
Its shaped up rather well this year hasnt it?!
Friday, 9 March 2012
It's that time of year..............
The time when so called Eurovision Fans say " Oh... It's the worst Eurovision EVAH!!!"
Is it?!
Let me hear you speak!!
Is it?!
Let me hear you speak!!
Thursday, 1 March 2012
Meet Engelbert!
So the secret is finally out then - the UK of Stuff have selected none other than the 157 year old German hitmaker Engelbert Humperdinck to nobly represent us in the 'dorf Baku.
A renowned pianist and composer, the Mendelssohn Prize winning Humperdinck is perhaps best known for his international chart-topping opera Hänsel und Gretel (Eng.: Jonsi and Greta), so let's wait to see what he's come up with for us this year!
I, for one, can't wait!
A renowned pianist and composer, the Mendelssohn Prize winning Humperdinck is perhaps best known for his international chart-topping opera Hänsel und Gretel (Eng.: Jonsi and Greta), so let's wait to see what he's come up with for us this year!
I, for one, can't wait!
Ok peoples of Europe in a maximum of 3 words
Tell me the best and worst songs so far. Go on. I dare you :))
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