So by the time these final six songs get to perform in front of an audience of music lovers, 18 songs will have fallen by the wayside. Doubtless some of your favourites will be among then, and doubtless plenty of those I’ve tipped for finalists spots will have gone too. Either that, or I’ll be collecting a handsome number of Azeri Manats from the Serviette of Doom.
I’ll try and ignore the obvious proviso that how these songs fare may be affected by the songs that eventually get drawn around them. But as I gaze over yonder to the church of St Olav (at one time the world’s tallest building), I ask myself what I think of them…?
United Kingdom – Now I know in one of my former blogs I said that Eurovision is a young person’s game. But these words may come back to haunt me when Mr Dorsey-as-was performs his song a second time on 26 May as the credits roll up at the end. If you’ve got a seasoned performer singing a song suited to them, age is irrelevant. Cut back on the high risk strategies of fire-eating, women spinning around in boxes, fat guys dressed as penguins and twins of restricted growth, and a carefully crafted song in the right pair of hands will always do well. The Hump is on first, so Mrs Peres de Sousa of Faro will get to see this marvellous song before her port-induced stupor kicks in. So it might, just might, surprise us all. Go the Hump is what I say.
France – Air Miles Anggun appears to have been going where no French performer has gone before, namely every national final going, including her little stint in a Hellenic shopping centre. The French aren’t known for casting their net far beyond Francophone shores for Eurovision but I think this is a pretty good effort. It’s instantly catchy and includes bits in French and, heaven forefend, English. And she’s fairly easy on the eye too. All in all, them Frenchies haven’t done half bad.
Italy – A welcome return from the cold last year, our Italian cousins have kept up the good work, even though they may have been spooked by the prospect of winning and so changed their song. To my ears, it has that same friendly vibe that Serbia’s Nina gave us last year. It’s altogether inoffensive and what’s not to like about a decent Italian song. Top 10? I hope so. Top 5? Maybe. Winner? I doubt it.
Azerbaijan – Hmmm. What to say without sounding unduly harsh? Well, she looks pretty. A lot of the fannage out there really like this but I think it’s just a ballad too far. No doubt she’ll perform it well – better than her ‘interesting’ tribute to Whitney Houston all those months ago anyway – and our Oghuz hosts will go all out to showcase their three minutes of host-nation pride. But it just doesn’t hit me in the same way other songs have this year. It’ll be a respectable-for-the-host-nation top 10, but I can’t see the Eurovision circus having a second year on the shores of the Caspian Sea.
Spain – I’ve said it many times that this country has the potential to easily win Eurovision, and I’d positively relish two weeks of Contested-ness near the Costa Brava. But like their football team did for many many years, Spain just flatter to deceive. They missed a trick last year when they picked the wrong song for Lucía Peréz. This song is their best entry for a few years and may well give them their best showing since 2004. But it’s not a winner.
Germany – It’s a little known fact that this guy used to be called Etruscan Toss until they realised it might offend some quarters of Europe. So Roman Lob he is. I understand that this song has three illustrious British born writers, including Jamie Cullum. It’s another one that has something about it, but I can’t quite put my finger on what it is. It’s not as dull as some people claim, and he has a decent enough voice. The songs around this one will be key to how it does.
So can I pick a winner? Can I b*gg*ry. I rarely have in the past, so I won't this time. Just as long as the 'right' song wins. And as long as the show is enjoyable, who cares?
R x
Friday, 6 April 2012
Monday, 2 April 2012
How Azerbaijan won Eurovision by accident
When Ell and Nikki won the Eurovision Song Contest for Azerbaijan last May there were immediate loud cries of “Foul” ringing out through the concourses of the Esprit Arena. There had been accusations of dodgy dealings and backhanders from this Caucasian nation for as long as they’d been in the contest, and their win, coming as it did with such an unspectacular tune, seemed to underline this fear – particularly as their song took a unexpected charge up the betting in the last few hours before the contest finally began.
Somebody had surely got wind of the story that the contest had been fixed in their favour and whacked a massive bet on?
Somebody had surely got wind of the story that the contest had been fixed in their favour and whacked a massive bet on?
It’s a popular view, but one that can be proved almost certainly untrue if you cast a statistical eye over last year’s results. For it appears that rather than taking the Eurovision crown by any grave conspiracy, Azerbaijan actually won the 2011 contest by complete accident. And here’s how…
* The scoring was incredibly and quite unpredictably spread out. A record 20 countries gained at least one set of the maximum twelve points - with only Estonia, Russia, Switzerland, Serbia and rather surprisingly the home nation Germany missing out.
* Azerbaijan themselves only received the maximum 12 points from a record low of three juries – one less than the previous year when they came fifth. AySel & Arash’s third place came with only a single maximum, but received a hefty eight ten pointers along the way.
* Azerbaijan themselves only received the maximum 12 points from a record low of three juries – one less than the previous year when they came fifth. AySel & Arash’s third place came with only a single maximum, but received a hefty eight ten pointers along the way.
* Of the most recent winners, Russia (2008) got seven lots of 12, Serbia (2007) and Germany (2010) got nine each, while Norway (2009) got a massive 16.
* Running Scared was also out-scored for twelve pointers in 2011 by Bosnia (five) and Italy (four), while Denmark, Georgia, Ireland and Ukraine all tied them with three maximums apiece.
* The winning song got the lowest percentage of the overall vote since Anne-Marie David won for Luxembourg in 1973.
* It also earned the lowest winning percentage in the history of the 12 points, 10 points, 8 points voting system.
* On top of all that, it's the lowest scoring winner since the introduction of two semi-finals.
* Tellingly, Running Scared failed to get any votes at all from an unprecedented 12 juries – where usually the winner only drops votes from a small handful of countries at the most. (Lena and Marija S dropped five, Dima dropped six, and the boy Ryback got votes from every single jury).
* Azerbaijan also scored six fewer points than Katrina & the Waves's 1997 victor Love Shine A Light. But the UK's last winner was only able to call on votes from 25 juries, whereas Ell & Nikki had a whopping 43 potential nations who could have thrown the points their way.
* The winning song got the lowest percentage of the overall vote since Anne-Marie David won for Luxembourg in 1973.
* It also earned the lowest winning percentage in the history of the 12 points, 10 points, 8 points voting system.
* On top of all that, it's the lowest scoring winner since the introduction of two semi-finals.
* Tellingly, Running Scared failed to get any votes at all from an unprecedented 12 juries – where usually the winner only drops votes from a small handful of countries at the most. (Lena and Marija S dropped five, Dima dropped six, and the boy Ryback got votes from every single jury).
* Azerbaijan also scored six fewer points than Katrina & the Waves's 1997 victor Love Shine A Light. But the UK's last winner was only able to call on votes from 25 juries, whereas Ell & Nikki had a whopping 43 potential nations who could have thrown the points their way.
As statistics go, that lot do appear pretty conclusive.
But while it is indeed true that the scoring at Eurovision has become far more susceptible to nobbling since the reintroduction of the juries, the televoting is still a vast and complex beast, and it would be a massive undertaking to co-ordinate that kind of continent-wide scam. Close inspection of the freakishly spread out points allocation last year suggests that this most probably didn’t happen in any successful way.
Aside from all these facts and figures, you must also take into consideration the fact that traditional vote sponges (and allies to Azerbaijan) Russia and Turkey had sent uncharacteristically weak songs. The points they didn’t get had to go somewhere, and Azerbaijan was a likely first port of call.Also remember that despite not really liking at the time, you’ve been singing Running Scared in your head at least once a week since last May – so it must surely have been a better song than you first gave it credit for. Add these factors to the huge body of statistical evidence I’ve outlined above and you’ll have to agree, however churlishly, that it can’t have won by anything other than fair means.
After all, looking at those scores in detail it’s evidently clear that anyone who actually tried to fix last year’s contest, from whatever nation, must have been really, really shit at it.
Sunday, 1 April 2012
Are we STILL reviewing these fecking songs?!?!?!
Serbia
He's as dependable as your local LibDem councillor is old Zelikjo, you know what you're gonna get. Lots of bluster, lots of knocking on doors in his constituency to ask if you want to vote for him, you*say* yes, but ultimately he comes in 3rd. And so it is with his latest Lane Moje Copy. I understand why people think this will do well, but I think it still misses the mark, his constituency will vote for it, don’t think the swingometer makes it across the winning line. Qualifying? - Yes
Macedonia ( FYR or not, depending on leanings)
We demanded Samo Ti the 2nd and got something completely different. I'm not sure what to make of it - I think its going to grow on me, however the Juries might like it, but its not televoter friendly - doesn't stop it being good, though but the 2 songs sellotaped together feel might. Close, but no cigar - not qualifying
Netherlands
Well when I was 5 or, indeed 3, it was 1983 or 1981, which is precisely where this song takes me back to. Its nostalgia with a capital Cheese, and yet - it has a sweet understated quality which never fails to get me humming to it. All the bollocks about red Indians and PC stuff really is just that, bollocks! - It's cowboys and Indians, not cowboys and native American indigenous people FFS. Anyway back to the song, I don’t know if Joan will be right up your Street, but it should well qualify on niceness alone.
Malta
We were there when this beat Deborah C Feat.Layla James into not-very-close-to-the-top place ( indeed my slightly thinning hairline and large frame is plastered ALL over goddam youtube in every bloody Maltese video, but that’s front row seats for you!). Kurt's preview video is quite frankly hideously wooden and doesn’t represent what an engaging live singer he actually is so discount that. His live Final performance in Ta Qali should get his close to qualifying, but 8th-14th place is the best he can hope for.
Belarus
If ever you have asked yourself the question " That Magnus Carlsson from Barbados and Alcazar, if he had a younger brother, would he be Belarusian?" then firstly, GET OUT MORE, and secondly, the answer is yes! - For those of us of an older age, this reminds us (and by us, I mean me) of something from the Swedish final of 1998, but it is revolutionary in terms of Belarusian Eurovision Entries. I think its just about strong enough to get through on likeability and the schlagerness of it is good, although he shouldn’t dress in his best BMX kit in Baku though.
Portugal
And so to my friend Carlos and Mr Eurovision Andrej Babic writing for Portugal. I'm rather miffed that RTP won't let Andrej on stage or anywhere near this entry, but are quite happy to write genius like this. Senhora Do Mar was indeed a high water mark ( see what I did there?!?) with regards to Portuguese Fado in Eurovision and, despite FDC 2012 being Fado esque in style (year of it, dontcha know?!) - This is lighter than Senhora.... Diet Senhora, if you will, with a diet singer in Filipa Sousa. It doesn't have the intensity or the "fuck me!" moments, sadly, not qualifying but I still think its ace.
Ukraine
Be her Guest?? - Oh all right then, but then again, would YOU refuse Gaitana? She is a singer in the vain of Ani Lorak but she doesn’t have Ani's songs, or stage craft, but I will pay money to see cornet players on stage in Baku. Qualifying easily though.
Bulgaria
Love Unlimited you say?! I suspect its limited to 2:59 to be quite honest with you. Bulgaria's best attempt since Voda I would hazard to say, however it seems to be lacking something again, though Sofi is doing a darn good job selling the song to be honest. Qualifying? - Nope, just missing out
Slovenia
I can't believe that Eva is only SIXTEEN years of age, firstly, if anyone saw her perform this song in the EMA ( well you all should have, its the goddam preview video!), you can't fail to be blown away by the talent and vocal range that she has. RTVSLO has decreed it to be in Slovene, and that’s the right decision as far as I am concerned, it has all the right ingredients for a good song, cracking backing singers, Israeli dance moves, Molditva moments... it borrows the lot from everyone, her talent just drives this forward and will rightly qualify. Unfortunately come the final, I fear she'll have to take back all of the things she borrowed to their rightful owners and she might get swallowed up, but lets hope not ;)
Saturday, 31 March 2012
It's just hit me - Eight weeks from this very night.....
For the first time in twelve years I will not be at a Eurovision Song Contest Final, further more in Fifty Two days time, for the first time, I won't be at any Semi Final or public qualifying round thereby breaking a total unbeaten run (I'd been to every one of the blighters!!)
It doesn't make me happy - however I just cant justify the expense at the moment - doesnt mean, however, that this site will be any the less active during the weeks of the contest - oh deary me no - you've already had your first Azeri cheese, you'll be getting updates from about the place and it'll all be hunky dory!
Just pity my work team on the 2nd rehearsal week when I am not in Baku-on-sea, but with them with a grumpy face on , they are already taking donations ;)
It doesn't make me happy - however I just cant justify the expense at the moment - doesnt mean, however, that this site will be any the less active during the weeks of the contest - oh deary me no - you've already had your first Azeri cheese, you'll be getting updates from about the place and it'll all be hunky dory!
Just pity my work team on the 2nd rehearsal week when I am not in Baku-on-sea, but with them with a grumpy face on , they are already taking donations ;)
Friday, 30 March 2012
View from the Kiek in de Kök - Part 4
We're nearly there...
10. Croatia – We’re nearly there with les ex-Républiques Yougoslaves. I understand Nina Badrič has seen a summer or two and her voice seems to reflect this. It’s maybe a bit too similar to the previous song, but doesn’t seem to have the same impact. To be honest, in some quarters (but not all) Eurovision is a young singer’s game. Will this qualify? No.
11. Sweden – What do we have here? A potential winner? The most over-hyped song since something by Kate Ryanair? To be fair, it sounds like a lot of other songs that have been successful. It reminds me of something from the era of disco by Donna Summer, so should suit those born in the distant 1960s or 1970s. I think it might be tooooo obvious to win, and its draw in the final will certainly play a part. The crucial second spot in the Saturday night final and it’s dead in the water – a tactical draw near the end and we could be at some 65,000 seater arena on the outskirts of Stockholm with a 9pm local start time in 2013. Will this qualify? As sure as my name is Riigiametnik.
12. Georgia – From the sublime to the downright ridiculous. Jocker? Joker? Is it code for something special in Tbilisi? Between winning his ticket and releasing his video, Anri seems to have got 30 times kitscher. I don’t think Georgia have really tried this year – in the words of my old history teacher Mr Pruun, “Could do better”. Will this qualify? No way Pedro.
13. Turkey – The Turks have reverted to type this year, with a typical crowd-pleasing ethnic pop. I didn’t realise Mr Bonio was one of Turkey’s small Jewish community, and this definitely has a bit of Kletzmer about it. More please I say and the prospect of a Turkish party with a bit of kosher food thrown in sounds good. Will this qualify? Yes
14. Estonia – Yeh!! Time for a bit of class. Three upbeat songs and then we have a perfect song to take things down a tempo or two. Ott has stayed in his native eesti keelt which is right and proper. I think it starts a little like Nilsson’s classic ‘Without you’ and it builds just as well. OK, so I can’t be totally unbiased, but don’t you like a site that actually has opinions? Anyways, will this qualify? You betcha.
15. Slovakia – One of Eurovision’s most unlucky countries tries something different and they have to be commended. There’s no other song like it in Baku and it grabs you by the unmentionables and says ‘listen to me’. Some of the watching populace, if they haven’t been roused during the previous song, will be when MJM/Miro Šmajda struts his funky thang. Will this qualify? I’d like to think so, but I think the unlucky streak will continue.
16. Norway – Following on in the great tradition of Iranian born performers at Eurovision (Arash of Aysel and Arash, erm, that’s it), Tooji does his best to be the 2012 vintage of Eric Saade. This sort of shtick has worked before, so who’s to say it won’t work this year. After all, he gives a very slick delivery and this time the glass all shatters on cue (oops, that was last year). Will this qualify? Yes.
17. Bosnia-Herzegovina – A pleasant little number from what seems like the same team that wrote for Amila ‘Morticia’ Glamočak in the dim and distant past. Does this go anywhere? Well, it’s just pleasant. Nothing more, nothing less. But she is very pretty, and a few voters in dirty raincoats might find that rather appealing. Will this qualify? I think it’s just too ordinary to qualify.
18. Lithuania – Finally we have a refugee from some boyband who is paying tribute to such illustrious names as Serafin Zubiri, Csaba Szigeti and Diana Gurtskaya. Then he decides it’s in poor taste and ditches the blindfold he probably got free on the Emirates flight to Brisbane. This is a bit too George Michael for me and not the best way to end a semi-final. I still think Lithuania hasn’t quite ‘got’ Eurovision yet. Will this qualify? No.
So, from this bunch of musical goodness, the 10 qualifiers I’d pick are Serbia, Netherlands, Malta, Belarus, Ukraine, Slovenia, Sweden, Turkey, Estonia, Norway.
10. Croatia – We’re nearly there with les ex-Républiques Yougoslaves. I understand Nina Badrič has seen a summer or two and her voice seems to reflect this. It’s maybe a bit too similar to the previous song, but doesn’t seem to have the same impact. To be honest, in some quarters (but not all) Eurovision is a young singer’s game. Will this qualify? No.
11. Sweden – What do we have here? A potential winner? The most over-hyped song since something by Kate Ryanair? To be fair, it sounds like a lot of other songs that have been successful. It reminds me of something from the era of disco by Donna Summer, so should suit those born in the distant 1960s or 1970s. I think it might be tooooo obvious to win, and its draw in the final will certainly play a part. The crucial second spot in the Saturday night final and it’s dead in the water – a tactical draw near the end and we could be at some 65,000 seater arena on the outskirts of Stockholm with a 9pm local start time in 2013. Will this qualify? As sure as my name is Riigiametnik.
12. Georgia – From the sublime to the downright ridiculous. Jocker? Joker? Is it code for something special in Tbilisi? Between winning his ticket and releasing his video, Anri seems to have got 30 times kitscher. I don’t think Georgia have really tried this year – in the words of my old history teacher Mr Pruun, “Could do better”. Will this qualify? No way Pedro.
13. Turkey – The Turks have reverted to type this year, with a typical crowd-pleasing ethnic pop. I didn’t realise Mr Bonio was one of Turkey’s small Jewish community, and this definitely has a bit of Kletzmer about it. More please I say and the prospect of a Turkish party with a bit of kosher food thrown in sounds good. Will this qualify? Yes
14. Estonia – Yeh!! Time for a bit of class. Three upbeat songs and then we have a perfect song to take things down a tempo or two. Ott has stayed in his native eesti keelt which is right and proper. I think it starts a little like Nilsson’s classic ‘Without you’ and it builds just as well. OK, so I can’t be totally unbiased, but don’t you like a site that actually has opinions? Anyways, will this qualify? You betcha.
15. Slovakia – One of Eurovision’s most unlucky countries tries something different and they have to be commended. There’s no other song like it in Baku and it grabs you by the unmentionables and says ‘listen to me’. Some of the watching populace, if they haven’t been roused during the previous song, will be when MJM/Miro Šmajda struts his funky thang. Will this qualify? I’d like to think so, but I think the unlucky streak will continue.
16. Norway – Following on in the great tradition of Iranian born performers at Eurovision (Arash of Aysel and Arash, erm, that’s it), Tooji does his best to be the 2012 vintage of Eric Saade. This sort of shtick has worked before, so who’s to say it won’t work this year. After all, he gives a very slick delivery and this time the glass all shatters on cue (oops, that was last year). Will this qualify? Yes.
17. Bosnia-Herzegovina – A pleasant little number from what seems like the same team that wrote for Amila ‘Morticia’ Glamočak in the dim and distant past. Does this go anywhere? Well, it’s just pleasant. Nothing more, nothing less. But she is very pretty, and a few voters in dirty raincoats might find that rather appealing. Will this qualify? I think it’s just too ordinary to qualify.
18. Lithuania – Finally we have a refugee from some boyband who is paying tribute to such illustrious names as Serafin Zubiri, Csaba Szigeti and Diana Gurtskaya. Then he decides it’s in poor taste and ditches the blindfold he probably got free on the Emirates flight to Brisbane. This is a bit too George Michael for me and not the best way to end a semi-final. I still think Lithuania hasn’t quite ‘got’ Eurovision yet. Will this qualify? No.
So, from this bunch of musical goodness, the 10 qualifiers I’d pick are Serbia, Netherlands, Malta, Belarus, Ukraine, Slovenia, Sweden, Turkey, Estonia, Norway.
Thursday, 29 March 2012
Azeri Cheese - no seriously..........
Do you know hard hard it was to find a pic of Azeri Cheese!! - This is it!!
More please?!?!?
More please?!?!?
I am gonna say this once and once only.
If you don't like what you read here, that's cool, but at least put your name on a comment so we can either go "yup. Yer right" or "hahahahahah" and mock you senseless.
Most of you that come here know what the form is, and that ain't changing. We're not esctoday or eurovision.tv so if you are looking for sanitised reports both in terms of the reviews and the rehearsals, with no personal input and a party line Eric Honicker would be proud of, you may wish to consider your choice of reading material.
However, if you are prepared to see lots of cheese references, possible cake porn shots, descriptions of Baku, mad Estonians, real journos chipping in, or indeed dogs in shoes from Moscow, may I entice you with something from the wine list?? Sit down, relax and enjoy.
It's been the same for 13 years, it ain't changing now!!!!
Most of you that come here know what the form is, and that ain't changing. We're not esctoday or eurovision.tv so if you are looking for sanitised reports both in terms of the reviews and the rehearsals, with no personal input and a party line Eric Honicker would be proud of, you may wish to consider your choice of reading material.
However, if you are prepared to see lots of cheese references, possible cake porn shots, descriptions of Baku, mad Estonians, real journos chipping in, or indeed dogs in shoes from Moscow, may I entice you with something from the wine list?? Sit down, relax and enjoy.
It's been the same for 13 years, it ain't changing now!!!!
Monday, 26 March 2012
View from the Kiek in de Kök - Part 3
So I had a little sojourn over the weekend including a fun night at a place called Sepp Kõrts. All very good. This second semi-final is a different kettle or pollock to the first one. A lot more open with maybe one or two certs. We also have five, yes, count them, five of the former Yugoslav republics in this semi-final. Thursday 24 May could be fun...
1. Serbia – Serbia’s cross between Mr Eurovision and Dennis Waterman (competed in the show, written songs for the show, presented the show…) is back with a half decent song he’s thankfully kept in his native tongue. Anything he does will always be overshadowed by the brilliant ‘Lane moje’, but this one must stand a chance. First on is never a bad draw if you have an average song or better. So will this qualify? Easily.
2. Macedonia FYR – Part II in our five-part cavalcade of former Yugoslavia is the little country that used to punch above its weight until the EBU had the wizard wheeze of introducing juries. But 60-a-day Kaliopi (formerly of the Grill) hasn’t done half bad with this. Whether her gravelly voice will satisfy those voters out there is a little beyond me. Will this qualify? Borderline.
3. Netherlands – Every good Eurovision stage needs feathers – the more the better. Bring on them crazy Dutch (with their shwimming and their shnorkelling) to satisfy pteronophiles everywhere. Why Indian Joan is dressed as such is beyond me, but what’s not to make you smile. And the world needs more smiling. She appears winsome in the delivery like she has a ‘special’ secret she doesn’t want to share. Part of me thinks this will scrape through to Saturday night, and part thinks it’ll be this years’ Kuunkuiskaajat. Will this qualify? I have absolutely no idea.
4. Malta – Some of my fellow bloggers were there when this was picked. Should I join them next year, dear reader? Kurt’s song appears to have been around for months and months, and I vaguely remember it being instant at the time. Those draw statisticians out there are bound to tell us the whys and wherefores are being drawn fourth between a Native American wannabe and a national final’s runners-up. Will this qualify? I think this has something about it. It won’t win this semi-final, but might just scrape in.
5. Belarus – Our White Russian brethren ditched their first choice, and I think they’ve made the right decision. I can’t help likening the lead singer’s voice to Chad Kroeger of Nickelback (but that’s just me). I may use the word contemporary often (not as often as the word cheese though), but this is a contemporary song that should get Belarus through to the final. No gimmicks like lift doors or insects this time, but just a good honest pop song. Will this qualify? Yes.
6. Portugal – Trainee for the monicker of Mr Eurovision, Andrej Babić, has got his sticky little mitts involved in another song for Portugal. It’s typical Portuguese stuff, but maybe not up to the standard of Senhora do mar. Still, it’s between two bouts of more upbeatedness, so may strike a chord with some of the populous out there. Will this qualify? Hmmm, will finish somewhere between 8th and 13th.
7. Ukraine – Lunacy strikes again with a big bold number that curiously isn’t a replacement song for one that won a first Ukrainian national final. It has a hook to it and a larger than life voice in Gaitana. Would I want to be her guest? Hmmm, I’ll get back to you on that. Will it qualify? It will indeed.
8. Bulgaria – Some might describe this as a similar song. To me, it has a classic disco vibe that will fill the floor at the Baku Euroclub. It seems to have a bit of every language going, except Udmurt or Estonian (pulls sad face) which makes it slightly un-unlimited to me. But that aside, it may be mad enough to get through to the Saturday night bunfight at the OK Crystal Hall. Will this qualify? Maybe
9. Slovenia – Eurovision wouldn’t be Eurovision without a 16 year old performer, and this one ain’t half bad – a bit like the first two instalments of our musical tour around former Yugoslavia. I think her lovely backing singers need to ditch their gravity-defying nets to stop the pointing and laughing that may take place for the three minutes of this song. If she plays this right though, it could mean Spring 2013 in Ljubljana. Will this qualify? Yes
1. Serbia – Serbia’s cross between Mr Eurovision and Dennis Waterman (competed in the show, written songs for the show, presented the show…) is back with a half decent song he’s thankfully kept in his native tongue. Anything he does will always be overshadowed by the brilliant ‘Lane moje’, but this one must stand a chance. First on is never a bad draw if you have an average song or better. So will this qualify? Easily.
2. Macedonia FYR – Part II in our five-part cavalcade of former Yugoslavia is the little country that used to punch above its weight until the EBU had the wizard wheeze of introducing juries. But 60-a-day Kaliopi (formerly of the Grill) hasn’t done half bad with this. Whether her gravelly voice will satisfy those voters out there is a little beyond me. Will this qualify? Borderline.
3. Netherlands – Every good Eurovision stage needs feathers – the more the better. Bring on them crazy Dutch (with their shwimming and their shnorkelling) to satisfy pteronophiles everywhere. Why Indian Joan is dressed as such is beyond me, but what’s not to make you smile. And the world needs more smiling. She appears winsome in the delivery like she has a ‘special’ secret she doesn’t want to share. Part of me thinks this will scrape through to Saturday night, and part thinks it’ll be this years’ Kuunkuiskaajat. Will this qualify? I have absolutely no idea.
4. Malta – Some of my fellow bloggers were there when this was picked. Should I join them next year, dear reader? Kurt’s song appears to have been around for months and months, and I vaguely remember it being instant at the time. Those draw statisticians out there are bound to tell us the whys and wherefores are being drawn fourth between a Native American wannabe and a national final’s runners-up. Will this qualify? I think this has something about it. It won’t win this semi-final, but might just scrape in.
5. Belarus – Our White Russian brethren ditched their first choice, and I think they’ve made the right decision. I can’t help likening the lead singer’s voice to Chad Kroeger of Nickelback (but that’s just me). I may use the word contemporary often (not as often as the word cheese though), but this is a contemporary song that should get Belarus through to the final. No gimmicks like lift doors or insects this time, but just a good honest pop song. Will this qualify? Yes.
6. Portugal – Trainee for the monicker of Mr Eurovision, Andrej Babić, has got his sticky little mitts involved in another song for Portugal. It’s typical Portuguese stuff, but maybe not up to the standard of Senhora do mar. Still, it’s between two bouts of more upbeatedness, so may strike a chord with some of the populous out there. Will this qualify? Hmmm, will finish somewhere between 8th and 13th.
7. Ukraine – Lunacy strikes again with a big bold number that curiously isn’t a replacement song for one that won a first Ukrainian national final. It has a hook to it and a larger than life voice in Gaitana. Would I want to be her guest? Hmmm, I’ll get back to you on that. Will it qualify? It will indeed.
8. Bulgaria – Some might describe this as a similar song. To me, it has a classic disco vibe that will fill the floor at the Baku Euroclub. It seems to have a bit of every language going, except Udmurt or Estonian (pulls sad face) which makes it slightly un-unlimited to me. But that aside, it may be mad enough to get through to the Saturday night bunfight at the OK Crystal Hall. Will this qualify? Maybe
9. Slovenia – Eurovision wouldn’t be Eurovision without a 16 year old performer, and this one ain’t half bad – a bit like the first two instalments of our musical tour around former Yugoslavia. I think her lovely backing singers need to ditch their gravity-defying nets to stop the pointing and laughing that may take place for the three minutes of this song. If she plays this right though, it could mean Spring 2013 in Ljubljana. Will this qualify? Yes
Sunday, 25 March 2012
Semi 1 review - Parte the seconde....
10. Israel
I don’t know what it is about this song – Maybe its cos it sounds like Dream Lover in the verses, maybe cos it sounds like a mix of other 60’s songs that mean that this sounds oh so familiar but it is very strong. Lead singer is hardly a looker, but he has that Cool Music Teacher vibe that could well make this song qualify.
11. San Marino
Mum?!, Do I really have to write something about this song??? – really?!?!? – Oh ok then…. It’s hideous, ill conceived, trite nonsense. Valentina needs to distance herself from this song after May 23rd. The Siegel music isn’t the worst part about this – the worst bit is the fact that someone who has OGAE connections wrote the first set of “lyric” without reading the rules!! – Fan Fail there if ever there was some. It deserves nil.. And “ Googling, giggling, gaggling” is possibly enough to cite this for crimes against the English Language!
12. Cyprus
Thankfully the draw has been kind to mini Greece. No Introduction nonsense here, oh dear me no, Ivi gets straight into the attack from second one. It is, as has been remarked, remarkably similar to the Greek song in terms or rhythm and intended audience, but it is far far better than that nonsense. It has a hook and a darn good earworm of a tune. My only issue is the fact that its been proved she is not the greatest live singer, and in a live singing contest, that’s gonna prove a massive downfall – mind you, if it doesn’t matter for Jedward…. Qualifying? I should think so.
13. Denmark
It does seem many years ago since this song was picked. So far in the dim and distant past I actually had to hear it twice to remember it. Am not sure that Teen Angst goes down well in Eurovision but again, like Israel, it sounds like some kind of chart nonsense that we have heard before in the mid 90’s by someone that should have not had a career ( Alisha Keys or someone of that ilk perhaps) – It is a typical Danish Plodder – though she needs to get rid of the stupid hat she wore in the Danish Final. Does it have any redeeming features? – Yeah, its familiar and doesn’t make me want to scream “ STFU” at the screen. It’s what the Danes do well – boringly predictable. Qualifying? – Yeah.
14. Russia
If Denmark was boringly predicable and friendly, the Russia Grannies are the Eurovision equivalent of a glass of Irn Bru. Peculiar looking, should be vile on the palate and yet is full of e numbers and makes you bounce around!! I can’t, I admit, get through all 3 minutes of this song, as its not to my taste, however I can see that some people will like it lots and give it loads of votes. It should qualify on the basis that it beat Bima Dilan in a Russian Final quite handily and, for that alone, I am grateful!
15. Hungary
Compact Disco give us a real gutsy track for this one. It’s a decent and well sung song – However, I think it’s a little bit *too* earnest to do that well despite being the classiest song for some time in this bit. I just don’t know what is going to differentiate it from the madness before it, and the quite frank genius that comes after it. If you want a change of pace, this is your one.
16. Austria
This is Genius of the highest order!! – It’s the track that Scooter should have won the German Final with all those years ago when they got trounced. It has everything 1994 Trance has, including a lack of lyric and talent – but the boys are nice enough and will garner points from…..well… Germany I would guess ( If they were in this bit!). Not sure how German “rap” will go down well outside of Germanophiles, but its either gonna bomb spectacularly or score loads!
17. Romania
I didn’t realise Colin Farrell’s younger and more talented brother had emigrated to Romania and decided to sing, but there you go. This song makes me smile but I fear that its going to be swallowed up by Austria and Ireland to get that many votes. They were supposed to win this contest fbetween 2002-2007 – has anyone told TVR that they failed to get that win?? – Try harder!!
18. Ireland
What has been said last year could well be written again about this lot. We know what we’re going to get and the question is “ is that one trick pony back for a 2nd attempt?” – They appear to have learnt to sing a half decent, but ultimately half arsed schlager song. It is something that would be in Eurosong in 1988 or 1993. It’s arguably more old fashioned that San Marino, but I think that they will get it through to the final. Qualifying? Sadly.
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