If I'd had less time, these would be longer...
MONTENEGRO - He's just talking words at me.
ICELAND - Dramatic silence is brilliant. More please!
GREECE - Buy one, get one absolutely free.
LATVIA - Paul McCarney's stopped answering his phone.
ALBANIA - One note is not a song.
ROMANIA - You can't go wrong with bagpipes.
SWITZERLAND - Swiss rock. Always a good idea.
BELGIUM - Would you sign our petition... non?
FINLAND - Second best Swedish Finnish entry - ever.
ISRAEL - I actually like this. It's doomed.
SAN MARINO - In Siegel's head, it's still 1980.
CYPRUS - First rehearsal could be quite entertaining.
DENMARK - Eurovision's safest country plays it safe.
RUSSIA - Georgian party will have better snacks.
HUNGARY - Surely that was *last* year's theme?
AUSTRIA - Nadine Beiler would have nailed this.
MOLDOVA - Clearly inspired by Humphrey Lyttleton's horn.
IRELAND - Other Irish musical artistes are available.
SERBIA - Law of diminishing returns seems applicable.
FYR MACEDONIA - Far less funny than Samo Ti.
NETHERLANDS - Because feathers worked well for Dustin.
MALTA - Stockholm Syndrome Ta'Qali style. It'll win!
BELARUS - Belarussian rock. Always a good idea.
PORTUGAL - Somehow feel I've heard it before.
UKRAINE - Eventually we'll assess Ukraine correctly. Eventually.
BULGARIA - Love unlimited. Points probably very limited.
SLOVENIA - Possible winner. But don't tell anyone.
CROATIA - According to Wikipedia, this song exists.
SWEDEN - So obviously winning, it'll surprise everybody.
GEORGIA - Will qualify, despite its best efforts.
TURKEY - Someone liked MFO as a kid...
ESTONIA - The 1990s want their song back.
SLOVAKIA - The 1980s want their song back.
NORWAY - Electronic farting is very much now.
BOSNIA-HERZEGOVINA - Isn't this semifinal ever so lovely?
LITHUANIA - Tragically for Donny, love isn't deaf.
UNITED KINGDOM - Hindsight will make the outcome obvious.
FRANCE - Great song, but not exactly instant.
ITALY - Thinks it's better than it is.
AZERBAIJAN - Azeris master the art of invisibility.
SPAIN - Swedish ballad, Spanish diva: "fanwank" defined.
GERMANY - Europe picks up phone, orders pizza.