If I'd had less time, these would be longer...
MONTENEGRO - He's just talking words at me.
ICELAND - Dramatic silence is brilliant. More please!
GREECE - Buy one, get one absolutely free.
LATVIA - Paul McCarney's stopped answering his phone.
ALBANIA - One note is not a song.
ROMANIA - You can't go wrong with bagpipes.
SWITZERLAND - Swiss rock. Always a good idea.
BELGIUM - Would you sign our petition... non?
FINLAND - Second best Swedish Finnish entry - ever.
ISRAEL - I actually like this. It's doomed.
SAN MARINO - In Siegel's head, it's still 1980.
CYPRUS - First rehearsal could be quite entertaining.
DENMARK - Eurovision's safest country plays it safe.
RUSSIA - Georgian party will have better snacks.
HUNGARY - Surely that was *last* year's theme?
AUSTRIA - Nadine Beiler would have nailed this.
MOLDOVA - Clearly inspired by Humphrey Lyttleton's horn.
IRELAND - Other Irish musical artistes are available.
SERBIA - Law of diminishing returns seems applicable.
FYR MACEDONIA - Far less funny than Samo Ti.
NETHERLANDS - Because feathers worked well for Dustin.
MALTA - Stockholm Syndrome Ta'Qali style. It'll win!
BELARUS - Belarussian rock. Always a good idea.
PORTUGAL - Somehow feel I've heard it before.
UKRAINE - Eventually we'll assess Ukraine correctly. Eventually.
BULGARIA - Love unlimited. Points probably very limited.
SLOVENIA - Possible winner. But don't tell anyone.
CROATIA - According to Wikipedia, this song exists.
SWEDEN - So obviously winning, it'll surprise everybody.
GEORGIA - Will qualify, despite its best efforts.
TURKEY - Someone liked MFO as a kid...
ESTONIA - The 1990s want their song back.
SLOVAKIA - The 1980s want their song back.
NORWAY - Electronic farting is very much now.
BOSNIA-HERZEGOVINA - Isn't this semifinal ever so lovely?
LITHUANIA - Tragically for Donny, love isn't deaf.
UNITED KINGDOM - Hindsight will make the outcome obvious.
FRANCE - Great song, but not exactly instant.
ITALY - Thinks it's better than it is.
AZERBAIJAN - Azeris master the art of invisibility.
SPAIN - Swedish ballad, Spanish diva: "fanwank" defined.
GERMANY - Europe picks up phone, orders pizza.
Well Nick, your comment on Slovenia had me rushing to Youtube. Pretty girl with a sweet voice, singing a ponderous song with way too many key changes (this seems to be the theme this year - er, hello Englebert). And then we have the four birds in the background, who clearly had a fight over a pair of net curtains, but decided to share the spoils and put them on their heads.
ReplyDeleteReally can't see this doing the winning (secret or not).
I'm a Welsh farmer and they've only just turned on the broadband in my village. I don't understand this 'fanwank'. If I sign up to the Spanish lady's fanclub, does it mean that she'll come to my house and do the business?
DeleteAs an enthusiastic DIYer, I've not really had cause to enquire. It's got to be worth asking though, the worst that could happen is that she says no...
DeleteDear Mrs Trellis,
ReplyDeleteFan wank Is songs so-called fans like too much for one reason only, but are doomed to failure. Cf Cyprus 1999, Spain 2002, Sweden 2012. The whole fanbase likes and goes potty to the point of insanity, then fails to work out why it scored badly.
Phil by phone :)
I'm a huge fan of the French entry and find myself utterly mesmerised by the singer's powerful thighs. Love the whistling too. How great would it be if she could sing and whistle at the same time, perhaps from two separate orifices?
Delete