Sunday, 12 May 2013

Welcome to "World o'rehearsals"

I wanted to blog a few choice comments, believe me, I did.  But I was on a secret mission yesterday for powers I cannot mention.  But with that all out of the way, I can give a few views on what happened when the second semi-finalists rehearsed again yesterday.

Latvia is just, well, meh.  You can't polish a turd, but you can dress it up in a sparkly suit and call it Ralfs.  San Marino still continues to impress me, but there are rumblings of a 'Thane erotas' moment happening next Tuesday.  That would be a pity.  One reason why is I expect Siegel to try again and again until he gets the result he's after.  I don't think Europe can wait that long.

Macedonia (FYR) has dropped the English bits of the song in favour of Macedonian.  A wise move I say.  If it does get through, it'll be down to the lovely Esma rather than our Toše wannabe Vlatko/Lozano.  Azerbaijan worries me.  It could tick all the boxes (see what I did there?) and take us back to the hall that is all things crystal.  But an Azeri in a box standing on his head, and crawling all round it may just make viewers point and laugh and say "Oh look, there's a man in a box".

Lunacy personified is Krista, our larger-than-life character who obviously doesn't suffer from SAD.  Maybe her boyfriend does which is why he's not made an honest woman of her yet.  Is it through?  Maybe.  Possibly.  Malta is just great. Just great.  I was smiling for ages after they'd left the stage.  There could be a bit of Jeremy in all of us. I'm just not sure whether the words on the screen will get people to sing along or just distract them.

Bulgaria  has done all this before.  It worked in 2007 but it won't in this field.  Orgasms to music just don't cut it anymore.  Iceland on the other hand is nice.  Not quite in the same way as Malta, but the backdrop of a lighthouse, the simple setting and pretty decent vocal maybe enough for Eyþór to sing for his (fish) supper again on Saturday.

The Greeks finally got it right.  For one precious hour at the Belarussian party, the alcohol was indeed free.  Wine, beer, or some electric blue concoction that included wodka (it's the secret word).  Kosa Mostra and the guy with the hairy lip do their stuff well.  It's busy they need to be to sell the song.  Moron Masseur still has her plunging plunging cleavage in her dress.  Even though she doesn't move around they still spent an age rearranging her big frock.  Not sure about this one.  It's a not-so-good Millim, or any other ballad from the last 20 years.  And the glasses will definitely frighten the recovering Matogyaliaphobes among us.

The Dorians (Dullrians anyone) don't really do anything memorable to this song.  I'm not sure what Tony Iommi was thinking when he wrote this, but he's not been seen hereabouts.  I can understand why.  But.  But there are an awful lot of ex-pat Armenians out there in Europeland.  They might just gang up.  Hungary is another one of those that could surprise us.  I have it in my top 10.  I love the trippy lyric thing going off behind him.  I suspect we won't be saying 'Bye, Alex' on Thursday.

Norway's song grabs you goodness-knows-where and says in a very loud voice 'VOTE FOR ME'.  I like her figure-hugging dress.   And she means business.  Come Thursday, I might just vote for her.  Rock sometimes comes a cropper at Eurovision, and I think that same fate will befall Albania.  These guys are big stars and do know what they're doing.  A good guitar riff will grab your attention and this one does grab your attention.  It's very niche though, so I can't see it getting the 35-45 points it will need to get through to Saturday.

Georgia could have a massive headache on their hands.  We hear the coastal resort of Batumi would get the gig, as it's got both a venue and a plethora of hotel rooms.  It ticks lots and lots of boxes.  Attractive boy and girl.  Easy on the ear ballad.  Pyros and effects here and there.  Towards the end of the draw.  It will make the final.  if it gets drawn towards the end on Saturday, and then we should all start learning the Georgian for "Two beers please" and "I'm sorry, but I cannot attend the wild pig hunt because I have a kilo lettuces to read".

The Swiss have divided opinion.  Some like it for it's pleasant message.  Others still have an issue with their views on certain things.  I think this song motors along nicely.  They maybe should think about how they're positioned, to give the presentation a bit more depth.  It might qualify.  It might not.  Finally, Romania has thrown the kitchen sink, the bread maker, and the George Foreman lean mean grilling machine at this dog's breakfast of a presentation.  We have a massive plate of chopped offal on stage.  Cezar's vamped up his black frock with lots of sparkles.  I hope he put newspaper down before he added the glitter.  This will also divide opinion in Europe, like it has here.  It might mop up lots of the nutter vote.  Or it might do a Sylvia Night and bomb completely.

Don't forget that if you live in one of these countries, or in Germany, France and Spain, you will be able to vote for your favourite.

Keep reading what we write on here.  It's a labour of love for us all.  You may not like what we write and call us f*cking retards.  But we like to give you the full experience.

So next Thursday (and Tuesday), wote for your favourites.  You never know, Europe might get a winner it deserves.

Back soon.

R x

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